Cultureshock

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Video transcript

Through life I have always been an insecure person. I don't know how I have become such a quiet person, but as I left my primary school and entered my high school my self esteem grew hugely, partly because of the amount of friends I made. With this boost of ego I felt like there was still something missing but only last year I realized that when I wore something a bit closer to my body I felt like I was in a safer place than when I was outside.

Now I wear a hat that I bought but I still can’t remember where I bought it.  About a month ago I lost my hat and did not have it for about two or three weeks. I felt a bit insecure without it and in a way in a way I sort of survived quite hard. Because of this feeling of being exposed I lost this sense of security. There was one particular situation where I was walking home from school on a windy day and my hair was in my eyes and I couldn’t see where I was going and I felt very insecure because I couldn’t see what was around me or what could have been around me. I did not like this feeling of not being able to see the outside world.

This feeling of blindness still largely effects me today but its not as great because of the purposefully way I dress in things that make me feel like I have a meaning or a place in current situations. I guess because of all of this feeling of fear and what I can’t see it has to something to do, by using the coats and stuff that I wear, it I feels like I’m using a scapegoat because I do not want to admit to what I cannot see outside and the fear that I cannot see as well. I have know idea where this fear came from or how I developed it but a lot of my decisions now are affected by what I wear and what I can’t see. For some reason this fear affects me no matter what I do.