Cultureshock

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Video transcript

Death! Suicide! Self harm! Pregnancy! Teenage mum!

My name is Shona. I am 16 years old. I have one child called Suzie, who was born to my boyfriend Callum.

My mum and dad had split up when I was very young. My mum was going out with someone called Star. Shortly after this my mum got ill. And that's basically when the trouble began.

While my mum was ill with liver disease and going in and out of the hospital, I was very protective over her feelings. She finally made her way to the liver department, however, by this point my mum was very ill. It was very upsetting. During this time I was still in secondary school. I hated this time due to bullying. Things got worse as I started to attend less and less. I preferred to spend my time in the hospital.

The next major thing in my life was my mum dying. She died during her second operation. They had replaced her liver once before but her body had rejected it. They had told us that if she didn't get a working liver within the next few months that she was going to die. Finally my mum said she didn't want it no more, she had had enough. Though shortly after a new liver came through. She was getting the operation that could save her live. I went to see her before school and she seemed happier, more human. I left her to go to her operation thinking I would see her again, not knowing that this would be the last time that I would see her alive. I was eager to leave her to tell my friends she was ok. It seems awful now. The last moment I had with my mum was me desperately trying to leave.

Everything went well that day with me. Up until about 2 o'clock when I was pulled out of school. I knew there was something wrong. Finally after what seemed like decades of waiting, they rang. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe them. There was no way she was dead. However, they took me to see her body, lifeless and still. She seemed more peaceful, like she was just sleeping. All the wires had gone.

After this I dropped out of school, because shortly after I had went back to people started saying things about it. Saying I was handling it far too well. So I left. This caused everything to get worse. The anger had taken over me. I thought I was unstoppable.

A few months after, I attended the young peoples unit at the hospital. I was working at getting better. I met a lot of new friends there. About a year and a half of staying there I went back to school. This only lasted a few days. My friend killed himself, but I got the blame for this. So without explanation I dropped out of another school.

Dropping back into the depression, this was the time I started to harm. The clothes I wore showed anger and pain. I was 14 to15 years old. Looking back now, I know it was stupid, but I definitely got through it.

Throughout that time I could hear my mum's voice telling me I could get through this. Also, I met Callum, my current boyfriend and father to my baby. This was a happier time in my life. My wardrobe slowly changed from dark clothing to brighter, happier clothes.

At the age of 15 I fell pregnant with my first child. She was born two weeks early on the 18th of July. This was an amazing time for me. I loved being pregnant, and I loved having a bump. Wealthy and pregnant I attended the young women's project in Gateshead. I still attend there now. I loved everything that was happening in my life. However, when my daughter was born it was a very confusing time for me and my family. We are coping at the moment as best we can. Occasionally things go wrong, but it is nothing we can't handle. My daughter is now 4 months old, I am now 16 years old. We got through this as a family. We will stick together throughout everything. We will always remember the past, but that is just what it is - past. I didn't think I could get through this, but I have. I know there is always something or someone who can help.

This is my life. Would you have survived this long? Could you have done all that and still be happy? Could you handle all the emotion, or would you bury it deep? My life is hard, others is harder. Think about it.